There were a few people with those sort of quasi-hacked crippled iPhones in the audience at the Moscone Center on Tuesday. You could tell by the reactions.

First, he announced the iPod Touch- a touchscreen media player that bore a striking resemblance to the iPhone. There were a few people fidgeting uncomfortably and looking around a bit.

Then, he noted that the iPod Touch would also include internet access and the mobile Safari browser. Amidst the cheers several agonized groans could distinctly be heard.

Then, he noted that the new device would, unlike the iPhone, be available worldwide. Someone shouted profanities in Flemish.

Finally, he revealed the price. An 8GB iPod Touch would cost just $299. Half the price one would pay for the 8GB iPhone. People fell on the floor, some threw their hands in the air and begged Saint Stevie for forgiveness. One person committed ritual suicide by prying open his hacked iPhone and setting himself on fire.

But Mr. Jobs wasn't done yet. Not by a long shot. Now it was time to stick it to the hackers. The hardcore types that had drilled into Jobs' precious Jesusphone and broken it free from its single restricted carrier.

Apple was going to roll out a brand new service: the wi-fi iTunes store. You could now download iTunes songs straight to your iPhone from anywhere with a wi-fi connection. Of course, to get this sweet new feature you'll install the latest update, which may just check to see what SIM card your using and whether your iPhone has somehow been modified. It was reported that upon hearing this, GeoHot started laughing so hard he nearly chased away the two coeds who were washing his 350Z.

But there was one more thing. Jobs had to take care of one more group: the early adopters. You see, as a hipster company, Apple knows that "cool" has a very short shelf life. What was hip last month is now way lame. Horizontal stripes are the new plaid. Pirates are the new Chuck Norris. The Decemberists are the the new Wilco. And being an early adopter is now about as "with it" as growing a rat-tail and shaving MC Hammer lines into the side of your head.

So, Apple stuck it to everyone who paid 600 bucks for the privilege of having an iPhone first. The company was now going to drop the price of an 8GB iPhone to a paltry $400. Boom. That'll teach you to buy a product when it's first released.

With his work done, Jobs wheeled out tape-loop goddess KT Tunstall for obligatory closing performance while reporters scrambled to file stories, fanboys ran to go reserve their new iPods, and anyone who had invested any sort of money in an iPhone slouched back in their chairs and slowly shook their heads with a "what the hell just happened?" look on their face.

Another successful roll-out.